just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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