I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This house was built for laser tag.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
