I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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