Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
