Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
