its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
