I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
