Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
