When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
