I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
