So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
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Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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