New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
