Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
