can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
