Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
