did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
