They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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