I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Too much gin, very little bucket
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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