I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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