All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
