Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
