I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
