Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want a musical about memes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
