omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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