explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
