I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
