so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize