At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
