i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
