im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You pole danced in your parka.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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