the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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