I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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