I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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