No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
