you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
