Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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