So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
