I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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