i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
