Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
