Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
