Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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