I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
