is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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