I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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