Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
