She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
