finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
