so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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