and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
