whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
