saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
