please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
