My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
