You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
