So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
