So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
