I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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