I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
