There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
