So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
