I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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