I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
