Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
