he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
