but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
