Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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