you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
