i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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