She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
