I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
