remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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