That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
