It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
