You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
