so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
