i just google imaged poop.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
