i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize